This morning I had an epic conversation on Twitter with my buddy @SaulTGoodman & a few others. Check it out! - P.S. BE SURE TO READ IT OUT LOUD....if you can!!
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
A Response to @FairICBaptist "How To Please God"
Greetings, Tweeples!
If you are reading this I hope that you have read @FairICBaptist's "How to Please God" first. If not, this will probably make as much sense to you as a Kanye West interview. So, if you haven't read it, please & go waste your time doing it now by going to the Anon Church website.
In FairIC's blog he stated 4 things to do if you want to please God. (He doesn't know it, but there's actually 10 Commandments that makes God happy!) FairIC's 4 things are as follows:
1.) Become a Baptist & Make God Happy
2.) The Clothes Make the Man
3.) The Real Word of God is Unchangeable
4.) Remove Yourself from the Heathens
This satirical rebuttal is a satirical rebuttal to FairIC's original satire, which his original satire wasn't a rebuttal. It was just a buttal. From here on out I will refer to it as "his butt" for short.
Let's take a quick look at FairIC's first point that he made in his butt...
Become a Baptist & Make God Happy
FairIC writes, "While there are many so called "denominations" available today, there is only one true form of religion that is pleasing to God. God wants all of his children to be Baptist."
FairIC asserts that because Jesus was baptized by John, and John was a Baptist, then automatically Jesus was a Baptist. While that may be all fair & true, Baptist isn't the only denomination mentioned in the Bible. There's also Pentecostal!
That's right! Holy Rollers!
After Jesus died & rose again from the dead, He sent His Holy Spirit into the upper room & everyone in the Bible from that moment on became Pentecostal!
So, contrary to what FairIC claims, God wants you to be Pentecostal. That's the only way to make God happy.
Let's take a look at FairIC's next so-called point...
The Clothes Make the Man
FairIC states, "We should show the world just how much we love the Lord with a righteous outward expression. Always wear your “Sunday best”."
Guys, if you TRULY want to make God happy, don't listen to FairIC! Clothing doesn't impress God. Your choice of cloth does not give you any favor with God.
If you want God to be happy with you then you will take your clothes off.
That's right! Get naked! Strip!
That's how God made man & woman in the garden of Eden. It has always been God's will that we run wild & free, just like the good people at the White Tail Chapel in Virginia.
So, do like David did: Take off those clothes & dance before the Lord! He was a man after God's own heart. You can be, too, if you don't listen to FairIC!
The Real Word of God is Unchangeable
In his article FairIC in obnoxiously stated, "...every real Christian knows that Jesus spoke with perfect Kings' English and if it was good enough for Paul, it is good enough for me."
Even though both Paul & Jesus spoke perfect 1611 King James English, not everyone does. Why do you think Paul wrote the book of Hebrews for? Because, we're supposed to read the Bible in Hebrew!
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Amos Moses, & every other Old Testament saint spoke Hebrew. Shoot, even the 10 Commandments were written in Hebrew!
If you REALLY want God to be happy with you, then you need to learn as much Hebrew as you can! Otherwise you will burn in Shoal. (That's "hell" in Hebrew!)
And final FairIC's last point from his butt...
Remove Yourself from the Heathens
In his butt FairIC said, "Want to make God happy? Separate yourself completely from the world. God hates it when you do anything secular."
FairIC has it all wrong. God wants you to have fun! Party! How else is the world supposed to see how fun it is to be a Christian! Jesus said you don't hide that light under a bushel. You let it SHINE!
So go out, find some heathens, & show them how fun it is to be a Christian! Then maybe they'll get jealous (even though jealousy is a big fat sin) & they'll want to be Pentecostal, run naked in church, & study Hebrew just like you!
In FairIC's blog he stated 4 things to do if you want to please God. (He doesn't know it, but there's actually 10 Commandments that makes God happy!) FairIC's 4 things are as follows:
1.) Become a Baptist & Make God Happy
2.) The Clothes Make the Man
3.) The Real Word of God is Unchangeable
4.) Remove Yourself from the Heathens
This satirical rebuttal is a satirical rebuttal to FairIC's original satire, which his original satire wasn't a rebuttal. It was just a buttal. From here on out I will refer to it as "his butt" for short.
Let's take a quick look at FairIC's first point that he made in his butt...
FairIC writes, "While there are many so called "denominations" available today, there is only one true form of religion that is pleasing to God. God wants all of his children to be Baptist."
FairIC asserts that because Jesus was baptized by John, and John was a Baptist, then automatically Jesus was a Baptist. While that may be all fair & true, Baptist isn't the only denomination mentioned in the Bible. There's also Pentecostal!
That's right! Holy Rollers!
After Jesus died & rose again from the dead, He sent His Holy Spirit into the upper room & everyone in the Bible from that moment on became Pentecostal!
So, contrary to what FairIC claims, God wants you to be Pentecostal. That's the only way to make God happy.
Let's take a look at FairIC's next so-called point...
The Clothes Make the Man
Guys, if you TRULY want to make God happy, don't listen to FairIC! Clothing doesn't impress God. Your choice of cloth does not give you any favor with God.
If you want God to be happy with you then you will take your clothes off.
That's right! Get naked! Strip!
That's how God made man & woman in the garden of Eden. It has always been God's will that we run wild & free, just like the good people at the White Tail Chapel in Virginia.
So, do like David did: Take off those clothes & dance before the Lord! He was a man after God's own heart. You can be, too, if you don't listen to FairIC!
The Real Word of God is Unchangeable
In his article FairIC in obnoxiously stated, "...every real Christian knows that Jesus spoke with perfect Kings' English and if it was good enough for Paul, it is good enough for me."
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Amos Moses, & every other Old Testament saint spoke Hebrew. Shoot, even the 10 Commandments were written in Hebrew!
If you REALLY want God to be happy with you, then you need to learn as much Hebrew as you can! Otherwise you will burn in Shoal. (That's "hell" in Hebrew!)
And final FairIC's last point from his butt...
In his butt FairIC said, "Want to make God happy? Separate yourself completely from the world. God hates it when you do anything secular."
FairIC has it all wrong. God wants you to have fun! Party! How else is the world supposed to see how fun it is to be a Christian! Jesus said you don't hide that light under a bushel. You let it SHINE!
So go out, find some heathens, & show them how fun it is to be a Christian! Then maybe they'll get jealous (even though jealousy is a big fat sin) & they'll want to be Pentecostal, run naked in church, & study Hebrew just like you!
_____________________________________________________________
If you enjoyed this little piece of satire please follow me on Twitter: @EricIsGuitarted
Also, please follow my friend FairIC on Twitter as well: @FairICBaptist
Also, also be sure to follow the Anon Church at: @TheAnonChurch
Thursday, February 14, 2013
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